Blog of the Pizzas

The failings of a Fruitocracy

2011-05-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Encyclophobaticsburg is now a Fruitocracy. For those of you who don't know, I'll sum it up:

Some random guy named Burk Burgundson became President of the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop, and then he submitted 43,001 bankruptcy filings. The government devoted all it's workers (at least four, I think) to working on the task. Obviously, this stopped all government activities, and then Burk Burgundson simply strolled in and took over. So now, we are a Fruitocracy, from the Greek root "Fruito" which means "Entity that sells fruit" or "Fruit production", and "-cracy" meaning rule by. As you can see, we are ruled by an entity that also sells fruit, so we are a Fruitocracy.

Burk Burgundson is now the new president, and he has been doing annoying things such as alternatively generating revenue for the city (the first time this has happened since its creation) and trying to destroy the city with live bulls. Obviously, this makes it difficult to live here, and Encyclophobaticsburg is entering a period of deep recession never before seen in our country.

First of all, being ruled by the Fruit Shop means that the only thing we really export is fruit. Sure, there are a few trinkets here and there, but really we mostly sell fruit. Now, fruit has some advantages, such as being tasty, but it's not worth that much money. After all, money doesn't grow on trees, so fruit obviously can't be worth too much.

Actually, speaking of money growing on trees, it brings up my second point. Burk, noticing that the major resource that he had stockpiled was in fact fruit, decided to adopt it as the national currency. While it might be better than the Encyclo (which had an exchange rate of 1 Encyclo per 0.64 Encyclos, meaning that every exchange would result in lost money), it has it's own disadvantages. For one thing, it grows on trees!

This wouldn't be such a problem, but as the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop is now the government as well, it has free reign over the city. Therefore, they have moved their fruit-growing industry from being restricted to the Plain Plains, and there are fruit trees rampant over the city. Therefore, if you want to buy, say, a new toaster oven, all you have to do is stroll down to the store and pick a few pears on the way. Of course, this leads to incredible inflation, so I believe it costs about 6,598 pears to buy a toaster oven. Also, the stores that sell toaster ovens get nothing but fruit in return, which is not worth much because if they wanted to buy, say, a new toaster oven, they would have to pay 6,598 pears. Not that they would want to, because they are the ones selling the toaster ovens in the first place, but still.

The third hint!

2011-05-03T17:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, now here is another hint as to the nature of the surprise!

You see, this surprise will have something to do with the name of Encyclophobaticsburg. Go to the informational page about it, and look around for something to do with that. Then maybe you can put the pieces together.

On a totally unrelated note (well it might maybe be related... okay fine its very related.), Burk Burgundson has decided that the climate of Encyclophobaticsburg is too warm to grow good fruit. This might mean that he will move his Fruit Shop, or possibly something else...

Who knows?

Burk's Secret

2011-05-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

Burk Burgundson has been acting very strangely recently, and I do not have any idea why. For some strange reason, he keeps putting money into the Encyclophobaticsburg economy, which is very strange. For one thing, all the past governers have already had enormous amounts of trouble with doing the exact same thing, and each has signed numerous laws proving the impossibility of stimulating the economy of Encyclophobaticsburg. This effectively got them off the hook for failing, as they reasoned that nobody could blame them for doing an impossible task. But more importantly, this breaks all the traditions of Encyclophobaticsburg.

I mean, there is a certain beauty to waking up each morning and looking out on Encyclophobatic Plaza, where the Government Building sits like a small, unused shack, and the Fruit Shop looms over the Plaza with it's diamond-encrusted walls. Now, there is actual profits being made from the country selling fruit, in partnership with the Fruit Shop, of course.

It is all highly suspect, and I will no doubt investigate the matter further. Until such time, I will give you all a suspicious note I found lying around:

Milk
Cheese
Eggs
Pears
Flour
Apples
Pudding Mix
Tomato Seeds

This is obviously some sort of code. The items have almost no relevance to one another, and it is clearly a secret form of correspondence.

More hints!

2011-05-02T01:20:00.000-07:00

A great thing is happening in Encyclophobaticsburg! I won't say too much more just yet, but let me tell you, it's gonna be great!

Here's another hint: Architecture Analysis.

That's right, there's gonna be something to do with buildings!

I'll give another hint tomorrow, but in the meantime, here is a poem:

Like a clever flash of lightning,
An excellent bolt of powerful light,
Making cracks atop the sky,
Pouring it's sparks down to the ground.

Fruitocracies are very lame.

2011-05-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

I have recently discovered that Fruitocracy is a very terrible form of government. The main reason for this is that Burk Burgundson, who is so very kind to tell us absolutely nothing about any subject whatsoever, has declared the city to be a wasteful part of the country. He also refuses to listen to any protests about it being the "only part of the coutnry" [sic] and cites Mt. Slab and Mt. Hunk of Useless Rock, the twin mountains of Encyclophobaticsburg. Interestingly enough, Mt. Hunk of Useless Rock was named after the very first explorer to come to Encyclophobaticsburg, Rick the Intrepid, stubbed his toe on a foothill and declared those very words. Anyway.

So basically this Burk dude is ruining Encyclophobaticsburg and has decided to destroy the city via bulldozers. He was informed by his secretary that the country does not have any bulldozers, at which point he became rather angry and decided to hire a bunch of people to use actual bulls. However, since he picked the staff of the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop to carry out this task, and one of them suddenly pointed out that they would be required to demolish their own Fruit Shop, they instead set the bulls to rampage around the Government Building. That is, what wasthe government building. Currently, it consists of floors 41-46 lying sideways next to a pile of smoking rubble.

As you can see, I am not too pleased with this new Fruitocracy. I made a list of possible actions to take:

Nothing at all. PROS: Very easy to do. CONS: Nothing will happen.
Kidnap Burk and fly him to Russia, change his name to "Steven Teeth-Muncher" and set him up in a second-hand flyswatter business. PROS: Won't have to deal with him for a while. CONS: The name is a little conspicuous.
Throw a stone down a well. PROS: Something might possibly happen. CONS: Something is likely not to happen.

So while I do have a small dilemma, I think I will do all three. In order, of course.

This post has magical powers.

2011-04-30T01:11:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, there are several enormous changes happening here in Encyclophobaticsburg! I can't tell you much more, but it's very very exciting!

As a small hint to one of the new developments that we are developing, I have added magical properties to this post! Merely by reading these words, you are now magical! Of course, in this case it's an entirely honorary position, but still!

A small side effect of this magic process is that commenting has been knocked offline (although this also happens to be a reference to one of the changes going on...)

Well, see you later! I will continue dropping hints!

How could this happen?

2011-04-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

OH NO!

Recently, a terrible terrible thing happened to Encyclophobaticsburg!

You see, a tiny dog entered the city, and then nothing happened!

We are all very worried.

But anyway, sorry to waste your time, and see you later!

Also, try not to face any enemy forces while you are out.

It hurts.

Like the time when a cat landed on my face with all 21 claws out and ready!

New page!

2011-04-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

After the recent Encyclophobaticsburg Fruitocracy takeover, I decided to create a new page of my blog that tells you a little bit more about Encyclophobaticsburg. Take a look. If you can find it.

Remember when...

2011-04-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

Remember the days in which I actually posted regularly on this blog? Well, I am here to tell you that those days may once again be ours to remember as the current situation which has been brought to us through the mystical outbursts that time sends spiraling through six reverse clauses and a cactus to meet us and greet us here at the present, which is not the past nor future nor coffee break but in fact right NOW.

As a reward for a) making it through that paragraph battered and scarred by the destruction of at least 2/3 the remaining brain mass you may possess after reading earlier posts of mine, or b) skipping it wisely in an attempt to save yourself, I shall tell you more about the Encyclophobaticsburg fruit shop.

You see, recently the fruit shop filed for bankruptcy. Now I know what you may be thinking if you read my other posts, where you will notice that the fruit shop is richer than all the other corporations in the country put together, including the government and national reserve. However, don't worry, the fruit shop only filed for bankruptcy because they have a new CEO named Burk Burgundson, and he is... well... let's just say he knows what a room with rubber walls looks like.

Anyway, Burk decided to file for bankruptcy out of pure boredom, because he finds that following the laws of both logic and the Encyclophobaticsburg government are very boring. So he clogged up the offices of the government with 43,001 bankruptcy filings, which caused all the employees to be redirected to the Commerce, And Business, And Other Important Things branch (CABAOIT). Shortly afterward, he invaded the country and took over the government.

So now Encyclophobaticsburg is a Fruitocracy, which means Rule by an entity that also sells fruit. Fruito is a greek root meaning "To sell fruit" or "Grow/Create fruit", so curiously enough, the country would have the same name if it were ruled by a plum tree.

Well, that's all I have to say, just your average government takeover and greek roots lesson in one. Thanks for reading. Kinda. Well okay, since I have no idea who is reading this, it is rather hard to personally thank them for reading these words. Whatever.

My most sincere apologies, for I have done a terrible thing.

2011-04-27T14:06:00.000-07:00

It has been brought to my attention from at least 7 of my staff members (including my stapler, which for some reason seems to have gained sentience) that my previous post regarding the adventures and life of one World Peace Man is too small for the general public to read. Because this crucial mistake has undoubtedly been tragic. Current estimates show that over $14 million dollars worth of resources were lost in a an accident that could have been averted if this had not happened.

Apparently, an old man was driving down the road and met six cats, each of whom were holding a protesting sign about war. The man was angry and devoured their signs, reducing all but one of the cats to tears, which promptly started an economical collapse in 3 countries.

Sorry about that.

A Short Salutation

2011-04-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

Hello there, good fellows!

I, Agent Pizza, have begun to schedule posts. I am hoping to set the posting frequency on this blog to be twice a week at random times during the week.

So, in light of this, I have created a special song!

Song of the Singers

by Agent Pizza

Once there was a giant horse,

who sang all day 'till he was hoarse,

And then he met another horse,

and they talked all day 'till the horses were hoarse.

Then they found another horse,

Who talked in a code called morse,

and he tried to stop them from coerce,

him into eating a pie, to make him hoarse.

A New Comic Series

2011-04-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

I have decided to create a Comic about "World Peace Man". I don't know whether I will create more of these or not, but here is the first edition of WPM.

Informative Facts You Should Know

2011-04-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

Here are some facts that you should definitely know to be successful in life:

7 out of 8 Whales in the Indian Ocean are threatened by threats such as Plant Life, Other Whales, and Knives.
6 out of 14 Dinosaur Fossils found today are actually fossilized rock formations from the moon, known as fossilizedrockformationsfromthemoon in scientific communities.
There is no reason to doubt the obvious, unless it is obviously wrong.
Nothing that one can see from any given point on Earth have any life forms, unless you look down.
Twelve occupational hazards are used as excuses for buying shoes every year.
19 out of 18 people in the Northern Hemisphere suffer from a rare form of lung-disease known as "dry dock research"
While it is possible that this false statement could be false or true, the first part and third part may or may not be possibly true or/nor false if the false section is also false, but since it may be false that either section is false then the truth lies in the possible parts that are not false but true. However, this may be false.
There are seven ways to injure yourself in a blimp. They are from jumping out, getting hurt by explosions, engine malfunction, food poisoning, food contamination, food getting up and attacking you, and of course, captains who have not reviewed all safety procedures.
This is the second-to-last fact.
Out of every color that is visible to humans, most tend to slobber uncontrollably when placed within 6 inches of a toadstool-microwave hybrid.

Now that you know these things, go and show the world* your wisdom.

*Note: Blog of the Pizzas is not responsible, and therefore will be held entirely harmless and released from all legal obligations, for any laughing or ridicule that may result from this course of action. Blog of the Pizzas would like to remind you that this is a suggestion only, and is merely used for the purpose of instruction and/or benefiting the reader in one or more ways. By reading this sentence or any of the aforementioned sentences, you obviously agree to hold Blog of the Pizzas harmless and possibly submit any bunny slippers you may be wearing for testing purposes.

A great dance routine:

2011-04-13T06:32:00.001-07:00

Here is my latest dance routine, entitled "Tomorrow I will..."

Talk to a piece of floss
Throw a cat into a crate labeled "Rhino"
Accelerate particles
Jump twice
And sing "Hally Hally Humphrey Wally Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

Riddle!

2011-03-16T15:45:00.001-07:00

Okay, here is a riddle! Answer it if you can!

What is blind when it is light,

But sees perfectly in the dark,

That can turn any which way,

But never move?

This riddle was told to me by an intellectual gopher named Vagamondio Levi Volchak, who also wears a top hat. That will be all.

Encyclophobaticsburg's New Wind Tunnel

2011-03-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

Just last week, Encyclophobaticsburg engineers unveiled an enormous new laboratory, called Encyclophobaticsburg Labs, which is an underground facility that has great new equipment and several devices. Since I am a Secret Agent, I have all-clear access to the whole place so that I can do tests and experiments, so I was recently touring the building. This is what happened on my tour:

First, I went and saw the Chemical Department, where there are several enormous rooms filled with all sorts of test tubes, glass pipes, beakers, and a bunch of very complex-looking things. I poked around for a few minutes and found nothing that I understood, so I went into the elevator and pushed a button at random. That is, I tried, but I found that there were no buttons.

The Encyclophobaticsburg Labs have very advanced Elevator systems that go in a large variety of directions (including up, down, left, right, backward, forward, diagonally, upside down, and 32.6 degrees from no point in particular). Anyway, I walked in and realized this fact from a small plaque that told about the Elevator. The plaque also said that, instead of boring buttons, these elevators were equipped with "Realistic Voice Personality Software" that talks and interacts with the user to get a better feel for the floor they want to go to. With some foreboding, I said tentatively: "Hello?"

Instantly the elevator started to whir, and I heard a voice say "Hello there valued user, which floor or room would you like to go to today?" At which I responded "Just take me to the most interesting place."

What followed was a very lengthy discussion in which the elevator asked me to define interesting, then define each word of my definition, and so on, under the pretense of discovering "my personal preferences to a more specific degree." I tried to get out of the stupid thing and go find some stairs, but it had to establish my preferences first in order to determine the method in which I wanted to get out (such as the speed at which to open the doors, the number of millimeters above the floor level I wanted, what music should be playing, and so forth) , so I spent the subsequent hour and a half arguing with the thing, until it finally decided to take me to room #4201 and promptly set off at a pace that was arguably half as fast as walking. I asked it why it was going so slow and it told me that this was all for my comfort, because it had established that I would get mad if it jolted me too much. My response to this was to kick its speaker panel until it lay broken and dying on the floor, and after a few minutes of playing around with the complex wiring behind it I managed to make the elevator move at normal speed to my destination.

I finally arrived and discovered that I was standing in a somewhat large room with several thick windows looking in on an enormous tube that seemed to be embedded in the side. There was also a door and some various lab tables with computers and cabinets, but the door just invited me to open it, and so I did. Using my all-access pass, I shoved my way inside and discovered an amazing spectacle.

There was a huge tube with enormous turbine systems that looked like it could generate enormous winds, as well as some stands that seemed to be used for supporting whatever was being tested. The label on the door had said "Wind Tunnel" so I assumed this was a wind tunnel.

That was my entire adventure. I had a great time.

The Encyclophobaticsburg Department Of Science and Technology

2011-03-05T15:31:00.000-08:00

The country of Encyclophobaticsburg is very small and consists of only one city, Encyclophobaticsburg (or alternatively Encyclophobaticsville), as well as a region of many fruit orchards and a small mountain range where Yodelberries grow. The entire country's government offices are in the center of the city, and there is one remarkable department that I will tell you about today. It is called the Encyclophobaticsburg Department Of Science and Technology

In the EDOST, there are approximately 60 people employed. Their job is to develop new concepts and ideas to benefit Encyclophobaticsburg, such as new slingshots for the Military or new streetlights for the roads at night. They also collaborate with Encyclophobaticsburg's two universities to work on scientific research.

Most of the time spent at the EDOST is used to develop new ways to research things. Their offices have some of the fastest and most advanced computers ever seen in the world, and indeed, 4 of their 15 floors of the Encyclophobaticsburg capital building (Which has 111 stories) are taken up with enormous super-computer equipment. They spend all of their time upgrading their equipment, with the logic that by making better tools, they can make a better product.

Unfortunately, they never actually develop anything, which is why the military's technology is so out-dated. They use their super-computers to crunch the numbers necessary to build even bigger super-computers, and the entire department is extremely technologically advanced, with some of the world's best equipment. However, they only use it to upgrade itself, which should be a logical fallacy but that never stops them.

Whenever a citizen learns of this department, they (assuming they 1. are in their right mind & 2. have enough common sense to think about it) will often try to start a letter-writing campaign or other movement of similar style, which usually ends up with an "angry mob" of about 4-5 people storming up the the Department entrance. Then they are escorted to the Department of Law Enforcement where they sit in a conference room with a few moody photographs of unsuspecting still life in it and told to wait for a few minutes while an Encyclophobaticsburg Department Of Science and Technology representative comes to get them. A couple hours and about 5 angry phone calls to the front desk demanding to know where in the world the representative was and replies about him arriving shortly, later, the representative would enter and promptly give a long presentation on the room's projector about the market goals of the EDOST. The few members who are still awake at this point would then angrily demand that the market goals can fall down a well for all they are concerned, and that his department starts working on Encyclophobaticsburg's problems. The representative would then tell them that making better tools leads to a better product, shove a stack of pamphlets in their faces and then leave. A few days after this incident would happen, the citizen in question would suddenly find an extravagantly expensive plane ticket charged to their credit card, and at least four mix-ups in their governmental records, usually changing their full legal name to Joe Windmill Sumpter.

While the apparent relation between these last two phenomenons and the EDOST customer service office are yet to be explained, it is clear that the EDOST will probably not contribute to Encyclophobaticsburg any time soon. Therefore, I will have to take it into my own hands to apply my secret agent gadgets to the entire task force that I am directing, so I will need to hire a sidekick of some sort... I already have a few candidates picked out.

Sorry, I need to go, because I hear some construction crews trying to seal my front door with concrete and demanding large sums of money.

Fortifications

2011-03-02T15:06:00.000-08:00

Recently, my home town of Encyclophobaticsburg has started to fortify its barriers. Since the city is not very organized and the style of buildings can change drastically every block or two, this is not an easy job. The government is also out of workers because the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop, being richer than the government itself, keeps luring them to work as cashiers because of the better pay. Consequently, there are only 12 workers trying to build a wall around an entire city. I believe the latest report is that it is 0.04% done.

You may be wondering why the government wants to build fortifications around Encyclophobaticsburg. Now, remember that Encyclophobaticsburg is situated on a peninsula that juts out into the ocean, and all of the land leading up to it is owned by the Fruit Shop, which is where they grow most of their produce.

The other day, a firework was launched into the city limits and hit the main Encyclohobaticsburg plaza, which is the center of the city. It exploded and caused the plaza to be blackened in the middle, and 4 goats that were walking by to run away (thus causing 2/3 of the local Encyclophobaticsburg Goat Pasture's income to vanish. As you may have surmised, the local Encyclophobaticsburg Goat Pasture isn't a very large operation, but they are planning to double the size of their headquarters by adding 10 square feet soon). Anyway, the firework had a note (on fireproof paper, of course) attached to it, that said:

"We are planning to attack your town in six months. Please don't tell."

So of course, every citizen of Encyclophobaticsburg who read it didn't tell any others, but then the mayor, who read the message and was frustrated by the lack of communication it caused, cut the end of the message off and everyone could start discussing it.

Anyway, this firework-message has caused most of the city to start building fortifications, and we hope to have a full defensive front in 6 months.

Also, the government has been upgrading the army. Since Encyclophobaticsburg has been peaceful ever since it was founded, the army has been a little lax, and currently consists of 1 insane old man who never speaks except to inanimate objects, a caterpillar, the army commander, and 4 people who signed up on accident and haven't realized that they are part of it yet. The newest army outfit design is a metal bucket for a helmet and a slingshot, so we need to make a few advancements in six months.

I have been asked by the government to investigate the source of the firework and head the new Encyclophobaticsburg intelligence agency. Between recruiting new recruits, filing paperwork, and field missions, I might not be able to post much.

Right now I need to convert two rooms of my HQ into paper-filing rooms, so I must go.

The Interests of a Co-Worker are Not to be Expressed (Part II)

2011-02-26T23:03:00.000-08:00

IMPORTANT! If you have not read "The Interests of a Co-Worker are Not to be Expressed" yet, do so before you read this one.

Hello again! You may remember me. I am known by some as "the guy who is over there" but that is not currently important. I must continue my story about how I discovered Larry the Imposter.

At the moment in time that we are speaking about, I was on the ground after having jumped into the air, and then I stole Larry's wallet and did a cool gymnastics move. You see, I had discovered that the best way to find out about a person was to steal their wallet and then make up an excuse. This is what I did.

As Larry cried out "Hey, man! Why'd you grab my wallet?", I was rifling through it.
"Face it, Larry!" I yelled at him, pulling something out of the leather wallet completely at random. "This thing that I am holding in my hand will show who you really are!"
I inspected what I had pulled out, and I realized that it was an expired coupon for four dollars off any purchase at the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop, except those containing any type of organic materials. I immediately waved it in Larry's face, who stepped back a ways, startled.
"You might think that this ordinary-seeming coupon is anonymous, right? Well, think again!" I said. "As you can see, this coupon is for the fruit shop. So all I have to do is go to the fruit shop and ask them who they gave out coupons to!"

I dragged Larry and his four cats along to the Fruit Shop, and once I had navigated the atrium, sales department, advertising department, merchandise section 1, merchandise sections 3, 4, 5, 7, 11, 19, and 457, I arrived at a cash register. Walking up to the sales clerk, I demanded of him "Who did you give these coupons to? I demand to see a list!" Waving the paper in his face this time. He slowly said "Um, sir, we put those coupons in the local newspaper! Anybody who gets the paper could have one."

I thanked him most sincerely for his kind services, and in payment shipped him four priceless paintings and signed him up for tent-building camp (at half-price, through my government connections). Larry and I (although him not entirely willingly) and his four cats who were curiously barking set off for the newspaper office. When we got there, a strange man wearing entirely yellow clothes except for his monocle, which was yellow as well, stopped us. He tried to feed me a banner, but I told him it was bad for my oral health and pushed him aside. Then we entered the newspaper building.

At this point, Larry seemed to have given up any resistance and was walking like a normal person. Anyway, I asked the newspaper clerk, and she gave us a complete list of everyone who had ever bought a newspaper from the building. I scanned it and found the name "Larry", which conclusively proved that this man was indeed Larry and not Frederick. I paid the clerk with some dirt from the side of the road, and left in style (I had fifteen paid actors swing across the exit and drop confetti as I left).

Now that I knew that this Larry guy was trying to be an imposter, I had to uphold the law and give him the punishment, which in Encyclophobaticsburg was 3 years in a prison of the criminal's choice. Once I had thoroughly explained this to Larry, and resolutely withstood all his attempts to redeem himself by saying "I don't know what you are talking about!" and "I was just walking my dogs!" and "My name is Frederick!" and "The average trajectory of an eliptical ball with an irregularity of 3.4 is not determined by the wind" although that last one might have actually been a science proffesor by the name of Eins T. Ine walking down the street behind him.

He chose to have his punishment, after much argument, on the entire planet, and with satisfaction I picked him up and placed him back down in his prison.

By the way, I later found out that he was my co-worker, which is why I put that title. Neat, huh?

Also, two years and 364 days later he won an all expenses-paid trip to the moon, but I cancelled it because this evil-doer had to see reason.

The Interests of a Co-worker Are Not to Be Expressed

2011-02-24T21:21:00.000-08:00

Good afternoon, morning, evening, day, night, or whatever it is right now as you read these words (if it is not something I already mentioned, you should perhaps be concerned.) Anyway, you might be wondering about that title. I mean, weird, right? Totally true, my wise and esteemed reader. However, the reason that I put it there (which is the usual reason for titles) is because that is what I will talk about in this section, known as the "body". This will then be followed by a long boring bar of random things such as the responses, comments, date and time posted, who posted it, and probably some random unimportant tidbits like a nation security alert or something. Well, good to get that out of the way, I always say. Gotta have those random bars of text, or life just wouldn't be the same. Whether it would be better or worse is, of course, an entirely different matter.

So, today as I was walking home from all that great secret agent stuff that I do every day, like fighting fang-toothed toothless bandits or other such adventures, I noticed a slight disturbance in the peace of Encyclophobaticsburg's normally peaceful air of peace. Looking around, I noticed the problem seemed to rest in a sideways man named Larry who owned four cats, all black except three who were white. This is rather a lot of information to take in at once, but we highly esteemed secret agents of the Top-Secret Encyclophobaticsburg Investigative Branch (all secret, of course) are able to detect subtle clues in the world around us, because of our extreme training. I detected these things because:

The man was not walking on the ground as normal people in Encyclophobaticsburg usually do, but instead was parallel to the street. Please note that in the previous sentence, when I referred to "normal people in Encyclophobaticsburg", I meant that they were normal relative to the Encyclophobaticsburg standard. It is widely accepted that Encyclophobaticsburgians are not always as normal as... well... other people, and so of course I had to make a note of that. Well, back to my amazing story.

As I said, I knew many things about this guy because of my powers of observation. I knew his name was Larry because he had a name tag that said "Hello, my name is: Frederick" on it. However, lots of people try to be sneaky and write different names on name tags to throw off the enemy, so I at once knew that he was in fact named Larry and not Frederick. I knew about his cats because I saw four animals with four legs, ears, tails, fur, teeth, and eyes that were walking along with him (also parallel to the street). Like I said, all of them were black except three were white. I then decided to ask him why he was disturbing the peace, and marched up to him.

"Excuse me," I said, "But you, who are Larry who is walking parallel to the street and owns four cats, all of which are black except three, which are white, are disturbing the peace by walking in this way. Why are you doing such a thing?"

He said "Well, my name is Frederick and I am just walking my four dogs here, and I am walking the right way on the street, so I don't see what the problem is."

I immediately knew he was lying, because his name was clearly not Frederick. I immediately jumped at him, but suddenly realized as I did so that I had been lying in the street, which was the reason he appeared to be sideways. Since I was already flying through the air, I needed to think of some excuse for my jump, and fast. I changed course at the last second and instead of pushing him to the ground, instead grabbed his wallet and ended up in a rather spectacular gymnastics flip upon landing.

Well, I will leave it here for now. Next time I will tell you more about my adventures, but in the meantime I will leave you with a cliffhanger. I was told by someone that adding a cliffhanger to the end of something makes people more likely to keep reading the next bit, so here:

Fang-Toothed Toothless Bandits

2010-11-20T23:45:00.001-08:00

It turns out that the museum was in fact raided by fang-toothed toothless bandits! I figured this crucial clue out only moments after someone told me. Once I had established the important facts, I quickly made for a wall panel that was slightly discolored. As it turns out, I had built this panel myself a few years back in case I ever had to escape quickly from the museum. I really did have to escape the museum, as I was about to find out. But I just went to the panel to avoid the awkward moments where everyone looks at you, as if willing you to find a clue in midair.

Anyway, I quickly pressed the panel in the secret 4,098 spots (I did, however need the help of the handy manual. You see, since I knew that in the pressure of such a situation, I might need a manual to help me. So I put a handy little booklet with all the location on a string next to it. I know, very helpful). Launching myself through the hatch that opened, I found myself in a cylindrical chimney. Then I realized I was falling.

Moments later I remembered that this particular panel led to the museum's chimney system. If my memory was correct (usually not the case, but in this situation I decided to have faith in it), there should be a set of jetpacks at the bottom, complete with a lever. I pulled the lever on my way down, and the jetpack immediatly flew upward to meet me. I was glad too, since four feet further would have spelled my doom in the form of a large broiler. Anyway, I jetted up through the chimney.

As I went, I noticed something peculiar. I couldn't quite place it, but somehow something seemed a little... wrong. Then it clicked. Right in front of me was a flashing neon sign suspended by dancing winged monkeys with the words "Look down" upon it. I immediately looked up, in case the enemy was attempting to catch me off guard. When I had sufficiently scanned the air above me for any hiding intruders, I did indeed look down. And fainted.

What I saw was the stuff of movies. In slow motion, with cinematic 3D (I noticed 3D glasses had somehow appeared over my eyes), the entire museum exploded. Then again. And again. It was so marvelous I was totally distracted by the great FX (not to mention the fact I was in the process of fainting) that I didn't even register that the museum was doing this process over and over again.

Then I realized that I had been watching a puddle for shrimp the entire day. And I only found one pebble named Frederick Van Brodensckeim Herald Percival "Pooky" HaidoSunwaKalotai.

Mischief in the Museum

2010-11-13T19:27:00.000-08:00

Today, a very terrible crime was committed in the Encyclophobaticsburg National Museum. As you know, the Museum holds some very important things, not only from the past of Encyclophobaticsburg, but also a few random objects that were found on the streets. One such item is the 'Umbrella of Peace, Justice, and Dryness". Anyway, this umbrella was picked up in a dirty subway somewhere, but it undoubtedly represents Encyclophobaticsburg because it has the words "Kill the Spare" Printed across it in large letters.

So about the crime. Somebody stole this fabulous piece of culture, and it is no longer there. I am still getting the details, but as soon as I find out more I will tell you guys. Right now I m being called to take a closer look, so until next time:

Agent Pizza, Under and In.

Eating Granola Makes Time Slow Down.

2010-11-09T19:32:00.000-08:00

Did you know? It's true! Scientifically proven! By whom, you may ask? Well by me, of course!

I, Agent Pizza, have recently discovered the astonishing fact that Granola does in fact slow time. While eating some this morning, I was delighted to find that for a moment (well for me, but probably longer for everyone else because time had slowed down) every movement out the window seemed to simply... slow. A pack of heavily laden merchants walking by in the salty ocean air started to take exaggerated slow steps, and a rare green-jeweled pelican swooping low over the water suddenly caught a fish with fluid, yet very slow, flashing of its brilliant beak.

Then time caught up with me, and as I had been leaning out of my chair, suddenly it registered my weight and I crashed to the floor as a multitude of sounds came back and I realized what had happened. Thinking quickly, I analyzed the situation from the ground, and after several seconds of furious thinking I discovered that the most likely cause of this phenomenon was the granola. So I took another bite, of course.

I found the same result. Noise seemed to become somewhat muted as the soundwaves slowed, and everything seemed to be slowing down from my perspective. However, my motions were slow too, and only my thinking seemed to be going at a speed different from everything else's. I could only attribute this to the fact that the illusion of time slowing down must stem from my perspective, not the real physical actions around me.

So naturally, I grabbed several handfuls of the stuff and shoved them into my mouth, causing time to slow down even further. Realizing I should have been very cold because the atoms wouldn't vibrate with their normal speed, I quickly deduced that my nerves weren't responding fast enough to notice. Another effect I experienced was a slight feeling that I wasn't in my head. I seemed to be leaving my body and senses in a way, since my perspective and thoughts could catch up far faster than all of my sensory organs. The combined symptoms of this slowed time were extreme, and I was almost glad when I returned soundly back to Earth, as time caught up around me. Let me tell you, it is not a great experience to be caught in between when the time stream is trying to make up for lost time. Events whirled by me and I felt like the middle of one of those commercials where all the people are zipping around by you. But instead of people, it was the little things, like dust motes in the room or clouds moving in front of the sun, that really overloaded my brain. Luckily it was all over, and after a few waves of nausea and a quick splash of cold water, I was back to myself.

Then I bought all the granola I could get in Encyclophobaticsburg and went into my laboratory to study it. After finding that it was, in fact, regular granola, I gave up on the finding-out-how-it-works approach and began using a combination of thermo-nuclear black hole propulsion electron beams and silly putty to condense the granola into one tiny pill. The size of only four pieces of granola, I figured this thing would contain as much effect as four packages.

Then I ate it.

And nothing happened.

Moral: Don't play with Silly Putty, you could end up eating it and choking.

Moral 2: Try to catch a Green-Jeweled Pelican, they sell for lots of money. About $5.98 on the current market.

Cliffhangers

2010-11-08T18:54:00.001-08:00

Cliffhangers are very

Architecture Analysis

2010-08-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

Since I have come back to Encyclophobaticsburg, I will give you viewers insight on the marvelous Places here in Encyclophobaticsburg. I will call this segment Architecture Analysis, and I am also working on a map of Encyclophobaticsburg to show you all.

The Local Fruit Shop

2010-08-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

Here in Encyclophobaticsburg, fruit plays an important part of the city. Very close to my HQ is a shop that sells fruit. A lot of fruit. The shop has entire rooms devoted to pears, apples, Yodelberries (They even sell the stew), and grapes. It covers 14 city blocks, and has to index its cash registers because there are so many. Most of the building is made out of clay, however, the current owner has been doing some remodeling, and one wall is studded with diamonds every 2 feet. Unfortunately, these diamonds seem to mysteriously disappear when nobody is looking, and it is slightly expensive to keep replacing him, although the shop's revenue could afford to remodel the entire city with diamonds if they chose to. In fact, they were about to (to most of the city's chagrin), but an election was occurring and one of the candidates, wuite close to winning, said he would prevent that is he got into office. The next day, there were so many votes for him that the voting office's floor broke. He immediately passed a law that prevented "Any person or persons from remodeling the city using diamonds spaced anywhere from 1 inch to 19 feet apart if they were funded from the revenue of a fruit shop". While this discouraged any further planning of the remodeling, one group of workers did attempt to convince some lizards to do the job to avoid the "person or persons" part. Luckily, the lizards misunderstood and started eating the diamonds, costing the fruit shop many millions. Although it is a source of pride for us in Encyclophobaticsburg, the fruit shop has also caused a war, known as the Great Food Pyramid War of 1983. When the government was deciding on a new food pyramid design, the fruit shop sent several agents to try and enlarge the fruit section so people would buy more fruit. THe government began to send police forces in, but since the fruit shop was not only richer but also more powerful than the government, they held their own. Fortunately, the war was mainly fought with celery sticks (let's just say there were a lot of manufacturing mix-ups), so no-one was hurt.

So now that you know about our mighty fruit store, you will undoubtedly be inspired to throw melons out the window. Good Day.

At Last!

2010-08-26T16:12:00.001-07:00

At Last! I have returned to Encyclophobaticsburg! I am so very sorry for not posting all of this time. Unfortunately, I was on a 5 day cruise, which turned out to be a lot longer because... well let's just say there was a series of unlikely events that contributed to my absence. I will try to keep posting, and fix this blog up a bit. I might even tell you guys what happened on my cruise.

The rare newtatooies of Encyclophobaticsburg

2010-01-19T16:58:00.001-08:00

As many of you know, Encyclophobaticsburg is a flourishing country. Just recently, a very exciting and amazing discovery was discovered (hence the fact that it was a discovery). A new species, called the newtatooie, was found roaming a pond. Newtatooies are large, aquatic insects shaped like donuts. They move forward by spiraling rapidly. The result is that water rushes through the hole in the middle, and off they go. Without newtatooies, the entire ecosystem would collapse, as they serve a crucial role - that of swimming. If no animals swam, there would be no swimming, and that would surely be bad for some reason.

Yes.

This blog is about to enter hibernation

2010-01-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

As all true ecologists know, all things come and go. This blog has definitely seen better times. I have recently been abducted by aliens, and as such it is difficult to post. Anyway, the alien race has been imposing a type of torture used to force people into submision... I think they call it krowemoh... I don't know, because it's in a language they call sdrawkcab. But the point is, it's very effective, and I am usually doing that instead. So, unfortunately, I will be unable to update this blog for long periods at a time... Meaning that I am forced to announce a slight hibernation period... I do not know how long it will last, but I am suspecting until June sometime... possibly longer if they encounter snow, because their spacecraft cannot travel during snowy weather and I may be free to update. I'm sorry, but expect sparse posting.

Exasperated Sigh

2009-11-21T09:54:00.000-08:00

Ahhh. I am sorry about this problematic approach to problems, but there appears to be an error. As you can possibly tell, this lonely blog out in the cold realms of the internet has suffered from an internal systematic lack of posts, and therefore feels rundown.

The Solution:

Renovations! Elaborations! Limeade!

The Renovatons, Elaborations, and Limeade:

just expect not very much posting for a while, since I have recently joined a group that seems to have quite a lot of work attached to it, work that I have to do in the time I could be writing about bunny slippers and lemons. So remember, I don't like it, but there is some troubles. Hopefully, I can come back to at least weekly, maybe even once-every-two-days-ly! Oh, and expect a makeover, so it might be closed from... time to time (evil laugh).

and now, a small story about flying discs:

There once was a flying disc. His name was Frisbee. The end.

Sorry about the anti-posting, I was attacked by air

2009-09-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

No really! I was just walking along, minding my own business, when a particularly bad-tempered bit of air came too close and I fell into a green dumpster. Dumb ive45swvh mbu8jkjm,ml

Watch out for the puddle, it is wet

2009-08-11T10:03:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I encountered a very rare phenomenon. It was... a puddle! My first reaction was to inspect the puddle for evidence about a number of missing tomatoes in the area, but I decided that some things (such as puddles, rakes, and angry gophers) are best left alone. Sadly, I continued walking, until I came across another puddle. This time, I became immediately suspicious. How come there were so many puddles? What was the meaning of that plastic spoon hanging in that shop window? It was overwhelmingly blue, and I had to escape it! Let me tell you a bit of advice. Next time that you are equipping a custom made jet pack, don't let the clerk offer you the special "Confusi-Cord opening mechanism". It's supposedly made to confuse enemies who steal your jet pack, and make it hard for them to open, but pulling a cord, playing Twinkle, Twinkle, little star on a trumpet, Typing in a code on a keypad, and trying to hold down the activation button all at the same time isn't any easier while running from a spoon (especially beacause it was more hopping from a spoon, seeing as to that I was trying to type in the number with one foot). Finally, I opened my jet pack, and blasted away from the evil spoon. Sadly, I fell asleep right after that, because I was extremely tired from opening it. When I woke up... well, that's a different story.

Barometers.

2009-08-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

Only tonight (and tommorrow) you can buy this fabulous product from Pizza Industries Useless Junk Department!

I don't think that is such a good idea...

2009-07-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

"Why not?" asked Chester.
"Look at the sign! Walking through that tree would be really bad!"
"No! I like muffins!"

And so it was...

Salad is here!

2009-07-16T18:12:00.000-07:00

Hee Hee, sorry to spark your interest, but there is no salad. None. Zero. Don't even try looking for it. Even if there were, I'm sure it would be locked away in some tall tower somewhere, probably with a dragon or something. And maybe a bunch of knights would come, and they would just be really repetitive, and attack the dragon, and capture it or something. Then they would go up and walk into the room on the tallest tower, and say some really weird speech like "Fear not princess, I have captured the dragon and (wheeze) climbed this enourmous (gasp) set of stairs (pant pant) to rescue you! And then he would pull the curtain away, discover the salad, and be really mad, since he climbed the staircase for nothing. So then he would kick the salad out the window, and the dragon (who was really hungry from being tied up whenever a knight came and struggling to get free) would break out of it's ropes/chains/cage/room filled with pictures of penguins and eat the salad.

And if all that happened, you couldn't get the salad because the dragon ate it, so what would the point of standing on a hill and shouting bravely (with sword in ground and helmet in hand like a boring and very cliche knight) : "Salad is Here!" ? Well, mainly because if you did that at just the right moment, the dragon might start laughing so hard at you that it would choke up a bit of the salad, which you would grab. The, of course, you would place it in a museum and call it macaroni. Well, no, you wouldn't, since it's salad, not Macaroni, but that doesn't matter too much (right?).

Facing the Facts!!!

2009-07-10T11:42:00.001-07:00

Today, I was forced to do something very dangerous. It was facing the facts. "Why would this be dangerous?" you ask. You see, it is a long story. So if you're going somewhere, don't read this. Seriously. It could delay you. No, really, stop with the pleading. DO NOT READ THIS! Well... O.K., fine, but remember, I warned you!

(The Pizza Industries Eating Department is not responsible for any lost merchandise, time, or bunny slippers. NO REFUNDS AVAILABLE. Please do not contact us, as we are busy eating pizza, tasting pizza, devouring pizza, munching on pizza, throwing pineapples at the boss, eating pizza, eating pizza,or possibly even eating pizza, at all hours of the day. Warranty of this post is 15,058,245 year(s). Extra warranty can be purchased at: (Edit: the warranty on this website has expired. It is no longer available.) Please report all lost, stolen, dropped, poached, hidden, broken, non-functional, or fake merchandise to the Pizza Industries lost, stolen, dropped, poached, hidden, broken, non-functional, or fake merchandise Department. Terms and conditions liable to change without warning.

Today, I was walking down the street, when I noticed a sign that said "Mustard is yellow" I frowned. Mustard was usually green in Encyclophobaticsburg. I inspected the sign to see if it could possibly be a fake, but it appeared to be 100% synthetic wood, with artificial ink, and instead of nails, I noticed that glue had been sneakily applied, with stickers that resembled nails on top. I scolded myself for even starting to believe it could have been a fake. Finally giving in to that fact that I was actually looking at a sign, I suddenly realized the magnitude of it's message. Mustard could not possibly be yellow! Instead of looking directly at the sign, I decided to turn around. As I was pondering the strange message, I noticed that a strange man with a sticker on his chest was walking down the street. On it, a hastily scribbled note read: "Synonyms are great things." It was a nice message, but the sticker happened to be one of those stickers that says "Hello, my name is:" on them, so it said "Hello, my name is synonyms are wonderful things.", which was a little weird. Then, I realized that he was walking in the street! Just as a highly dangerous vehicle containing a quart of yogurt hurtled closer, I jumped at him, knocking us both out of the way. He thanked me, explaining that he was blind, and tried to pat me on the back, but hit me in the face instead.

After I managed to explain to him that "It was nothing, really..." He went on his way, and I on mine. HOLD IT! STOP! DROP EVERYTHING! Did you hear that? It said "I on Mine."!!! That must mean that I was standing on top of an old abandoned mine shaft, which could cave in at any second! As I realized this, I jumped back just in time. Realizing that I had lost a shoe to the mine, I realized I had been wearing Bunny slippers.

... Don't you get it? Didn't you read the legal text up there? It said: "The Pizza Industries Eating Department is not responsible for any lost merchandise, time, or bunny slippers."!!! That means there was no warranty on my Bunny slipper! As I realized this horrible thing, I knew that I had to face the facts. Turning slowly, I faced in the direction of the sign I had seen earlier. Knowing that mustard must be yellow, I had discovered that this sign was the facts, and I was now facing them. The End.

Moral of the story: Don't read my Blog or you'll be late to work!

Weirdest Blog Award

2009-07-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

The Weirdest Blog award... I believe tht I know the three deserving Bloggers that should get this award. They are... (drumroll please):

Bob the Great at bobthegreatblog!

Erendira at Erendiranchdressing!

and Zora at either Melonsarestrange or Candycane-llama!

Select the Graphic and paste it onto your own Blog if you are one of these Authors!

English to Spanish To English...

2009-06-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

This is a post about on of my earlier posts that has been translated into Spanish, and then back into English again. As you can see, the language structure is different, so neither translation could possibly be exactly exact, meaning that the end result is a little strange. In Encyclophobaticsburg, we call thiss process (translating into one language and then back again) slumberigrifyinazationing, so here is the slumberigrifyinagazationized verion of my post, Yodelberry Stew. By the way, slumberigrifyinazationing is pretty fun. You can go to babelfish.yahoo.com to do it.

Stew of Yodelberry.

Today, I will say to him how to make the stew of Yodelberry. The berries of the way to sing of the tiroleses are a very rare type of berry grown in the mountainous regions of the desert of the Sahara. Hardly teasing; They grow mainly in montan@as, particularly in near ravines or caves. They are white, to mix inside with the snow, and prefer cold climates. Although the fruit itself is boxed in a hard rind, the leaves can be used to make tea (I nevertheless wouldn' it recommends it to t, since the tea is bitter and has a tendency to explode violently in the infrequent intervals.) The rind responds to the strong noises, so yodeling near some will make the rind fall, therefore the well-known berry of the way to sing of the tiroleses. The interior of the fruit is very sweet, but before she can be eaten, you must peel dull the external skin, that is as bitter as the leaves, and later to remove the seeds cover that it (they are very sticky, and they are hard to obtain of the berry, but to even obtain more hardly of his hand). After you finally have located one in the snow, yodeled near her, bare extinguished the two layers of skin, and removed the many seeds, as large as leaves with a small fruit on half a bilberry him. The original rind, in the comparison, was 7 times greater than that small thing that you are carrying out.

You request " so; what' s the point? If they are so hard to be able, why as soon as not to make the stew regulate? ". If you requested that, later you have a good point. But it is the answer here:

YOU DON" T!

Why you would go to all that hardship, if the stew requests 150 of those small things in which it serves, and the really bad stew itself test, does not have absolutely ANY essential vitamin, and it is not completing slightest?

Thurgojumbiadynamaliotundralikamiian Monkeys!

2009-06-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

Thurgojumbiadynamaliotundralikamiian Monkeys are a rare species of monkey found only on the east coast of

Encyclophobaticsburg. They live in the jungle, and eat mainly mangoes. Another very strange thing about them

is the fact that they exist. No one can figure out the reson for this, But we don't really care about it that much,

since other things are happening in Encyclophobaticsburg, like the ladybug escape. Basically, a ladybug escaped

from the zoo. That is all. Bye!!!

Weirdest Blog Award

2009-06-19T20:55:00.001-07:00

I have recently been given the Weirdest Blog Award by Hannah from Chicken News. Basically, I have no idea what all these awards are about, so please try to bear with me. I am supposed to pass this award on to three people. If you want to bring your blog to my attention, I will look at it if you put a link or address in the comments. If someone could explain to me who makes these awards, What I should do to my blog if I get one, and how I should pass it on I would be most grateful. So whoever that is, thank you in advance.

Cows.

2009-06-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

Moo Moo Moo said the normal cow.

Beep Beep Beep said the robotic cow.

Moo Moo Oink said the semi-normal cow.

Woof Woof I mean Moo said the Dog in disquise as a cow who wasn't doing a very good job.

Moodles! Moodles! Moodles! said the noodle-selling cow.

I like Pizza said me.

Vacuum has two U's!

2009-06-08T07:53:00.001-07:00

Vacuum has two U's!

P.S. Vacuum has two U's! and strawberry jam isn't made of ice cream.

vacuum

2009-06-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

The word vacuum is a very nice word. You may have noticed that it has two "U"s right next to each other. This is very peculiar, but is not all-together unpleasant. It does mean that it is sometimes difficult to remember how to spell it. Hopefully, this strange post will help you to remember that it has two "U"s by remeinding you of it often.

Vacuum has two U's!

I Like Pizza...

Vacuum has two U's!

Lemonade is (not) purple!

Vacuum has two U's!

There, was that often enough? By the way, Vacuum has two U's! You should know that bacon is

Vacuum has two U's!

called "bacon"!

Watch out, as this may be repeated in future posts.

P.S. Vacuum has two U's!

On a mountain in a vally in-between two forests lies a

2009-06-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

Giant-monkey-and-ostrich-eating-relative-of-the-kraken-that-prefers-mayonnaise-to-ketchup-and-believes-in-the-liberty-of-no-creatures-except-all-of-them-except-one-which-is-the-afore-mentioned-lemon-headed-aardvark. Also, I discovered today that under no circumstances is an icoseles triangle to go wandering around after dark without the permission of a firevhydrant. BUGLES ROCK!

Colour.

2009-05-26T17:23:00.000-07:00

What is the difference between colour and color? Why, a U of course. Sadly, that is not all. Though most people do not know it, colour is also... well, maybe I shouldn't tell you. You could have nightmares. I mean, if I accidentaly let it slip that colour is the second word in the scientific name for a lemon-headed aardvark, then it would be very dangerous. Oh well, I am sorry to say that you can't know that colour is the second word in the scientific name for a lemon-headed aardvark.

Thank you for listening to my random babbles.

Ostrich Alert!

2009-05-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

Important! 2+2=5! O.K., glad to have that over with. Today, I will tell you that there are several ostriches on the loose and that they have the potential to eat anything in sight. But before I tell you that, here are some messages from our sponsors.

_____________________

| Bugle Glass Cleaners! |

| Call 1-800-we-like-money |

|____________________|

Have you been eating dairy 3 times a day? Good! Well now, you should eat it 4,987,000 times a day! Why? Because then you'll be forced to buy more of our delicious yogurt. only $83.95 a can!

Okay, thank you for listening to that brief (1,000,000,000,000,000,000 minute long) message from our sponsors. Now, some breaking news: There are several ostriches on the loose and they have the potential to eat anything in sight. Now, I'm sure you had never heard of that before, Huh? So ya, eat pizza!

Today

2009-05-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

isn't yesterday =P

WOWWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

2009-05-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

I have posted 6 times today, and scheduled one for tomorrow. I think it's a record! Scratch that, I KNOW it's a record (for me, that is). Yay Posts!

Post.

2009-05-16T20:05:00.001-07:00

Code 2

2009-05-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hello, folks. Did you know that:
. - . - - . . . . . . - - - . . . . - . . - . . . . - - . - . . . - . . . - - . - .

In Morse Code Means- well, I'll let you guess. Any guesses? Hmm? Well, look down.

The answer is:

AWHJSLDIGNFEWR

Neat, Huh?

Also, I will be using the scheduling feature more (I think) since I have more time on the weekends...

Game.

2009-05-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

Today, you will find out how to play a fun and exiting game titled "The worst and most boring game in the world". To play this game, you will need the following items:

Pencil
Toothbrush
12 sheets of lined paper
Sunglasses
Half of a pineapple
A small plastic cup
Two Prisms
Bubble Gum
Electric screwdriver
Another Prism
14 Red Ants
A cell phone
4 light bulbs
A dog (Labrador retriever, if possible)
Chile Pepper
Chile Salt
A peacock feather
10 cubic tons of cardboard
And a 9876.5 teaspoon measuring cup

So, take the 13 pieces of paper, and use the stapler to staple them around the rim of the top hat. Then, take the Dirigible and fly it over Nebraska. As you do this, throw the raisins off, two at a time, at 56 second intervals. If any of the- What? What's that you say? That none of those items were on the list? No! See, right there, it says...

What? But... How... Someone must have changed them! Oh No! Oh well, in the meantime get out a bat and ball and play baseball.

Also, I recommend that you don't follow my advice, as it may lead you into a pit of doom.
By the way, I suggest you go into a pit of doom.

Yodelberry stew.

2009-05-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

Today, I will tell you how to make Yodelberry stew.

Yodel Berries are a very rare type of berry grown in the mountainous regions of the Sahara desert. Just kidding; They grow mainly in the Alps, particularly in canyons or near caves. They are white, to blend in with the snow, and prefer cold climates. Though the fruit itself is encased in a hard shell, the leaves can be used to make tea (though I wouldn't recommend it, since the tea is bitter and has a tendency to explode violently at infrequent intervals.) The shell responds to loud noises, so yodeling near some will cause the shell to fall off, thus the name yodel berry. The fruit inside is very sweet, but before it can be eaten, you must peel off the outer skin, which is as bitter as the leaves, and then take off the seeds that coat it (they are very sticky, and are hard to get off the berry, but even harder to get off your hand). After you have finally located one in the snow, yodeled near it, peeled off the two layers of skin, and taken off the many seeds, you are left with a small fruit about half the size of a blueberry. The original shell, in comparison, was 7 times larger than that little thing you are holding.

So you ask "what's the point? If they are so hard to get, why not just make regular stew?". If you asked that, then you have a good point. But here is the answer:

YOU DON"T!

Why in the world would you go to all that trouble, if the stew calls for 150 of those little things in one serving, AND the stew itself tastes really bad, has absolutely NO essential vitamins, AND is not filling in the slightest?

Ice and pencils...

2009-04-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not posting for so long about what happens after the post where I told you what happened when I had been sorry for being gone so long. Basically, It had been my own tracks in the snow( I think someone must have placed them there, I never would have made that mistake!) Anyway, the culprit was a actually a small Woodland Muskrat, who had been working for an unknown employer, but felt bad about his crime, and came to me to confess. The reason it took so long to post on the matter was because the Muskrat never said more than two words before falling asleep for 12 hours. It was hard to talk to him.

Sorry, Bye.

Seriously...

2009-04-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

Please observe:

Monkey

Monley

Monkey

With an 87.5% accuracy rating, the monkey that typed that is pretty good. This giraffe, however...

Giraffe

Girafee

Jiraf

Girrrrrafccv

Rafgeeree!."}

..,skksldfilafghqwerty

girafffefeeeeeeeeeeeffssssss

puddlebennygoodman

As you can see, this 12.5% approval rating is rather low. The Giraffe, though horrible at spelling, Has a ph. D in Math, Works at NASA, Scored an IQ of 3,984.8, and won the Brazilian Math contest 40 times in a row. So, Ya...

Finally!

2009-04-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

HI! I am very sorry for not blogging this long. I was hired by the Encyclophobaticsburg government to find something that had gone missing from the Encyclophobaticsburg museum. To make up for the long wait, I will tell you what happened.

It all started when I recieved a call that The government suspected that a theif may try to steal something from the Gerbil Factory. I rushed over there and started patrolling the area. After a few minutes my mind wandered to the phone call. Suddenly, I realized that not only is there no government in Encyclophobaticsburg, but over 86.95% of it's citizens do not even know the definition of the word! I hopped in my private jet and flew to the museum, but I was too late. The door was ajar, and on further investigation, I found out that the most famous item in the museum had been stolen: The golden donut.

The donut was the only remaining part of the great donut temple. When the great founders Phidellys built Encyclophobaticsburg, they made a large Donut temple in the center of it. Sadly, the temple was soon demolished by a herd of vaccuum cleaners, and only the large solid-gold donut statue remained.

Anyway, enough history. I inspected the area for clues, and found only three items: a rubber chicken, a shoe, and a note with several fingerprints on it and some words saying:

"I have stolen the greatest piece of Encyclophobaticsburg history. P.S. my secret base is not in the little shack off of Cheesecake lane and to the right a bit."

This narrowed the search down a bit. I needed to figure out who had stolen it, and where he or she was. I now knew that the secret base wasn't in the little shack off of Cheesecake lane and to the right a bit. I used some silly putty to pick up the fingerprints, then tore up the note so that the thief couldn't come back and change it.

When I got back to my HQ, I took out the silly putty and realized that the fingerprints had been ruined when I put the silly putty in it's case (you're supposed to do that to keep it from drying out). I then realized that I had torn up the note, So I couldn't get them again. Hmmm... This would be only a slight setback.

Next, I took the rubber chicken in for questioning. It refused to reveal information, even when I threatened to loose a stuffed racoon on it.

My only hope was the shoe. It was just a brown leather shoe, slightly worn, with one of the laces missing. Nothing there. I was out of clues. Tired, I fell asleep instantly. No, really, I mean I fell asleep standing up in my lab. When I woke up, I realized something was very strange. Looking around, I realized that nothing was out of place. I still had a suspicious feeling, though. I walked out into my living room, and into the kitchen, bedroom, and den before finally going through the fake tapestry that leads to my outside office. this is the one I greet customers in. Even the Lobby outside was normal. I opened the door to go outside, and realized what was wrong. Instead of the brick lane that led to the more busy part of town, I was greeted by a glacier. After investigating, I determined that a small portion of Enyclophobaticsburg had frozen over. I found some snow, and discovered two sets of bootprints. Taking pictures, I went back to the lab. There, I matched one set with the boot. The other set presented a mystery. Who was working for the owner of the boot?

Come back soon to find out more!

Noodles

2009-03-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

Noodles are very good. Yay.

Another one of those weird posts

2009-03-06T11:44:00.000-08:00

Hello, today I thought it might be nice to tell you about one of our best-kept secrets. Then, I came to my senses and realized that if I posted it on the internet, It would no longer be a secret. So I decided that instead, I would tell you how to make a rollercoaster.

First, a rollercoaster needs a vehicle that can go on it. Take a large metal frame, and hammer into a good shape. Next, we need some wheels. Go to your local frisby farm (if you happen to live in a place without a frisby farm, try looking for a few roundish objects that are pretty close in size). Then, take your Frisbys (preffered) or your roundish things and place them near the bottom of your frame. Place a swiveling office chair inside, so that people can sit in it and turn around in case they wanted to see some scenery behind them.

Now, we come to the tracks. Since real metal tracks are very expensive, I like to use dog tracks instead. If you don't have a dog, Or it is very small and you are afraid the tracks won't be big and exciting, then you can use most animals, though wild animals are sometimes unfriendly. You can always use your tracks, too. First, make some mud. Pour water on some dirt to do this. Next, step in the mud to make some tracks, or throw a bone across to the other side and watch as your dog runs over to get it, making tracks in the process.

Finally, place your vehicle onto the tracks. You have now made your first Roller-Coaster!

Tangrams

2009-02-20T15:51:00.001-08:00

This post will be dedicated to Tangrams, the wonderful supports of the Gerbil factory here in Encyclophobaticsburg. No, the factory doesn't produce Gerbils, but Mr. Henry L. Gerbil founded it, so we named it after him. It is a factory that produces glass sculptures, And it is basically a large Ovular Building supported in the air by four stilts made of Tangrams. You see, Mr. Henry L. Gerbil was a master at Tangrams, and he built an amazing support system that can hold tremendous weight, while at the same time look artistic. On the side of the artistically painted building is a large pipe that is very dangerous, because glass sculptures randomly fall out of the pipe. A long time ago, Mr. Henry L. Gerbil devised a clever system of piping that led all over Encyclophobaticsburg, and whenever a customer ordered a sculpture, a series of hydraulic valves would open or close to guide the sculpture to the right house. Sadly, during the Encyclophobaticsburg Giraffe Breakout of 1994, the pipelines were smashed due to stampeding. The tangrams, however, were so well built that they survived. But because Mr. Henry L. Gerbil made the factory completely robotic, It continues to crank out statues and they fall out of the broken pipe. the vicinity around the pipe was very dangerous, because of the glass, until we managed to shut off the factory. But because people liked the architecture so much, it has been turned into a museum, with some of the original robotics still on display. This concludes our feature of the Mr. Henry L. Gerbil Museum, next time we will talk about a different building in Enccyclophobaticsburg.

The not-so-daily-anymore Touch of Randomness!

2009-02-16T08:27:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a frog. The frog didn't like being a frog, so it asked to be a turtle. The wonderful mystical fairy was soon eaten by a penguin named Gusto, and the frog was unhappy. He then realized he liked being a frog, and hopped off to eat the rest of this...

qws

f ae

and he but i lair da

ds sds

sNOW dAY

2009-02-09T08:50:00.001-08:00

tODAY wE hAVE eNCOUNTERED sOME pROBLEMS wITH tHE tEXT. tHIS iS vERY hORRIBLE. aNYWAY, iT iS sNOWING hERE iN eNCYCLOPHOBATICSBURG. yAY!

Ain't it great?

2009-02-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

Today, we saw Pink Panther 2. I knew the first one was really funny, but this was really great. It was EXTREMELY FUNNY! You should go see it! Yay!

NO!!!

2009-02-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

This is a post dedicated to a small pebble I once saw. It was kind of roundish, almost black, but not quite, more gray, not red, made of stone, and kind of like a pebble. It was so wonderful...

Anyway, let's get down to business. Today, we will be reviewing what you should do in case a water balloon falls on your head.

Step 1: Do a series of complicated and worthless tests to see how wet you got

Step 2: Dry yourself off

Ta-Daa! Because this is a post, it is a post! YAY!

(Spinach!)

Code of the century

2009-01-26T17:05:00.001-08:00

Today, on WPR news, we bring you the code of the century! (Wow, Pizza Rules!)

CODE OF THE CENTURY:

This is how you write the code of the century:

replace all E's with "Juniper" and all K's with "Saggittarius" and all C's with "Black Plague". Next, convert the 3rd letter of each word to a double. Then, Write the words in backwards order. Finally, convert all T's that didn't come from Saggittarius to "Hippopotamus" and all G's that didn't come from Saggittarius to "Palindrome"Here is an example:

Original: Pizza can't fly, but that doesn't stop it from being awesome.

After step 1: Pizza Black Plaguean't fly, yet that doJunipersn't stop it from bJunipering awJuniperwsomJuniper.

After step 2: Pizzza Blaack Plaaguean't flyy, yett thatt doJJunipersn't stoop it from bJuunipering awJJuniperwsomJuniper.

After step 3: awJJuniperwsomJuniper Juunipering from it stoop doJJunipersn't thatt yett , flyy Plaaguean't Blaack Pizzza.

After step 4: awJJuniperwsomJuniper JuuniperinPalindrome from iHippopotamus sHippopotamusoop doJJunipersn'Hippopotamus HippopotamushaHippopotamusHippopotamus yeHippopotamusHippopotamus, flyy PlaaPalindromeuean't Blaack Pizzza.

Well, isn't that awesome? I doubt that anybody reading the final result would have any idea what the original said. Goodbye! GoodbyJuniper! GooodbyJuniper! GooodbyJuniper! PalindromeooodbyJuniper!

Calling all bloggers, commenters, readers, and the rest.

2009-01-22T15:46:00.000-08:00

Whoops, sorry for calling you all here, but there is nothing to post. Goodbye.

WAIT!!! I remembered! I have to tell you something! I have created a thing called "A touch of randomness" which is basically your daily dose of randomness. Note that if you want Extreme Crazy, go to candycane-llama, where you will find... a lot. This one is updated more, though.

Today, I will tell you the story of William T. Rebushay.

Once upon a pawn, the knight took the pawn and the queen took the knight. The king castled and a new piece appeared. It as called the William T. Rebushay Piece, and it moved like the King, except twice. Nobody understood why, but even Freddie-Joe, eater of grapes and liker of medieval flags. He then exclaimed "All commas will be double!" and all commas were suddenly double. Just then,, the official marching band went by,, and one of the officers,, a mailman to the core,, dropped off a package saying "William T. Rebushay" on it. Every body exclaimed and opened it,, but realized it was William T. Rebushay's box. They were glad that atleast it wasn't Pandora's,, and they rejoiced until they realized that the box contained,, not all the sins of man,, but all the problems with a chess piece. The Rook immediatly burst into flames,, and the magic William T. Rebushay piece declared "all commas will be normal!" before teleporting to Saturn. Everybody cheered, since the William T. Rebushay piece was gone, meaning that it was the end of the story.

Moral: Don't eat Potatoes unless you aren't allergic.

Our 44th!

2009-01-20T21:40:00.001-08:00

Obama has taken office, with an 18-minute speech to start off this term that was, in my opinion, excellent. Yes, here in Encyclophobaticsburg, we do care about the Americas, not only because our main imports of toothbrushes come from them, but also because our toothpaste comes from there as well. I hope Obama will bring a good term to America.

Poll!

2009-01-19T19:29:00.003-08:00

WoW! I will now be uploadin' me' poll, so keep the' lookout ready, eh?

TAA DAA! This blog shall now explode.

2009-01-19T19:20:00.001-08:00

No, sorry, just kidding. Today, I have reached a decision. As many of you know, I have been debating for a long time about what to turn this blog into. And I have decided. Here I go, and you had better listen, since I will only say it once. Here I go!

THIS BLOG SHALL BE USED FOR MY RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM TIME TO TIME, AND ALSO FOR THE AWESOMNESS OF PIZZA.

So, let's hope that this blog takes off!

Random Post

2009-01-14T18:12:00.000-08:00

No, the post itself is not random, but it is a post about randomness. Basically, I haven't been updated my blog too much, so I have decided something. Now, to show my liking for pizza, I shall type Pizza a hundred times. Here I go!

Pizza a hundred times

Well, I said I would type Pizza a hundred times, didn't I? Any way, expect STUFF to be occuring here, unless it doesn't, In which case you shouldn't expect any STUFF. Yay STUFF!

Error!

2009-01-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

***This post has been devoured by a hungry cantaloupe***

New Year, Trip, and Late Post

2009-01-04T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hello, everyone! Yes, this is EXTREMELY late, but happy new year! This blog doesn't seem to be getting much attention, however here I am with an update on the trip we took to the Forks/La Push area. First, we drove in the car for a long time, visiting a lot of relatives, and finally staying over at my grandfather's house. The next day, we drove in the car for a long time, and it was almost dark when we stopped at Ruby Beach, which was close to our place and very cool. There was a small stream going out to the ocean, some large rock formations on the beach, and a small bay-like area that would fill with water, but when the waves receded, walking there made it look as though you were walking on water. After a while, we hopped back in the car and drove to the place were we would get a cabin. Earlier, we were going to make a reservation, but because of the snowfall in our area, we were unsure if we could actually go, and the lady on the phone assured us that reservation would not be necessary. When we actually got there, though, they said all the cabins were suddenly full. We had to get a motel room instead, but I was hapy because, since it was on floor 2, We had a view of the ocean. We went down to it in the morning, and it was really fun to run away from the waves. Also, a hailstorm opened up on us, and we had to hide behind stuff when it got really hard.

That was pretty much it, although we did play monopoly, go into town, and listen to Harry Potter 7 on tape in the car (we already finished it several months ago, but it is fun to listen to it again). we also saw Twilight things everywhere, such as Twilight posters and Merchandise, and there was even a store called "Dazzled By Twilight" that was based off the book (I think). Overall, It was really fun!

Aack!

2008-12-31T07:50:00.000-08:00

Hello! Sorry, I was unable to update my blog for a really long time. We went on a vacation to the Forks/La Push area (Yes, that is where Twilight took place, but sadly we didn't find any

vampires). I will try to update more!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Aloe Plant?

2008-12-23T10:53:00.000-08:00

Hello, Agent Pizza here. Sadly, the computer refuses to let my images be uploaded, So I can only describe it. Basically, we used a potted aloe plant. The droopy branches are good for hanging ornaments on, but right now there are only two ornaments. One is a little blue one with a nice design, and the other is a golden bow. All the Christmas cards we receive are placed on the table around it, and some of the small presents are underneath the branches (Yes, we did fit a few underneath the tiny plant!). Above it is a Christmas wreath with lights and strings of tinsel around the window. The lights are shaped like bells, and when you push a button they flash to the tune of a Christmas carol.

We also have a tree, and it is placed in the biggest window we have, with red and green lights placed around the window. There are various lights and ribbons around the house, and outside is a Japanese Maple wrapped with lights.

Those who know me will know why I described two different trees (well, okay, one was an Aloe plant, but you know what I mean).

Under and In!

Okay, Fine

2008-12-22T09:37:00.001-08:00

Yes, as some have noticed, there isn't that much about Pizza to post here. I don't think that any pizza related stuff will come up in the near future, either (well, okay, I have plans for one thing, but that comes later). So, I have decided that I will get some randomness out on Candycane-llama, since I have joined that team. Hopefully, this blog will become something better, but it is currently only in the development stages.

P.S. Another thing: I have recently had troubles putting pictures onto this blog. Without them, it looks rather boring. I will try to get that function up and running.

Encyclopho-what?

2008-12-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

Hello, Agent Pizza here. i just thought that some readers may be confused as to what Encyclophobaticsburg is. Encyclophobaticsburg (also Encyclophobaticsville) is the small area I, Agent Pizza, live in. It is unmarked, so you will never find it on a map. I will now tell you a bit about it:

Weather: slightly snowy in the winter, and wet when it rains.

Temperature: Ranges from hot to cold degrees (F)

Monetary system: the Encyclo (1 Encyclo = 1 Encyclo)

Government: What's a government?

Problems facing Country: Lack of Government, Chaos currently gripping country

National Bird: Beaver

National Flower: Nightshade

National Hippopotamus: Hippopotamus #4,593

So Yes, that is the small country of Encyclophobaticsburg! See 'ya!

Lizard conditions

2008-12-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

Hello Again, today I will be reviewing the local weather. here in Encyclophobaticsburg, we use "Lizard" as the codename for "Blizzard" (They are very different, and nobody could ever guess the similarity =). Today, we are still unsure about the amount of snowfall that has actually accumulated on the ground, but last night and a bit this morning, we experienced a rare Lizard (I call it rare because we don't get that much snow here). Last night, My mother and I walked to the library, and it was extremely cool to see the big sheets of snow fall off the roof as the wind blew it around! I hope it snows more, and that we get a white Christmas!

MORE SNOW!!!

2008-12-20T18:52:00.000-08:00

Wow! As far as I remember, I have never experienced this much snow. it is dropping about 5 inches (Or at least, it WAS...). Anyway, I am very excited as tonight there is a lot of scheduled snow, and tommorow we can sled a lot. This is so exciting! I really love snow!

Ummm... an... Interview

2008-12-19T20:43:00.000-08:00

Today, we will be interviewing a person named Nadine.

Agent Pizza: So, what are your passions?

Nadine: Well, I like to ski.

Agent Pizza: Okay...

Agent Pizza: So, any memorable experiences that you'd like to share?

Nadine: Well, I went to a donut factory. Then the donut came out, and I said wow...

Agent Pizza: Yes, er, um, I'm sure you did... Anyway, where do you live?

Nadine: Loch Ness Monster, India.

Agent Pizza: Um... Sure. That's all with (The extremely weird) Nadine!!!

Yes, so after this strange insight into Nadine's life, we reccomend that you check out the blog candycane-llama.blogspot.com.

This is Agent Pizza, Under and In!

SNOW!!!!!

2008-12-18T19:17:00.000-08:00

Yay! Today, It snowed Really hard where I live. There was at least 5 inches (a lot where I live!). Because of the school closures, we went sledding all day and had a giant snowball fight near the end. Yay Snow!

Pizza!

2008-12-18T18:56:00.000-08:00

Yay! Pizza rocks! This blog is dedicated to the awesomeness of pizza! Although it probably won't be updated much, i will try to load new content every once in a while. First, this is my profile picture:

Yay! Yay! Pizza Rocks!

Blog of the Pizzas

The failings of a Fruitocracy

The third hint!

Burk's Secret

More hints!

Fruitocracies are very lame.

This post has magical powers.

How could this happen?

New page!

Remember when...

My most sincere apologies, for I have done a terrible thing.

A Short Salutation

A New Comic Series

Informative Facts You Should Know

A great dance routine:

Riddle!

Encyclophobaticsburg's New Wind Tunnel

The Encyclophobaticsburg Department Of Science and Technology

Fortifications

The Interests of a Co-Worker are Not to be Expressed (Part II)

The Interests of a Co-worker Are Not to Be Expressed

Fang-Toothed Toothless Bandits

Mischief in the Museum

Eating Granola Makes Time Slow Down.

Cliffhangers

Architecture Analysis

The Local Fruit Shop

At Last!

The rare newtatooies of Encyclophobaticsburg

This blog is about to enter hibernation

*Exasperated Sigh*

Sorry about the anti-posting, I was attacked by air

Watch out for the puddle, it is wet

Barometers.

I don't think that is such a good idea...

Salad is here!

Facing the Facts!!!

Weirdest Blog Award

English to Spanish To English...

Thurgojumbiadynamaliotundralikamiian Monkeys!

Weirdest Blog Award

Cows.

Vacuum has two U's!

vacuum

On a mountain in a vally in-between two forests lies a

Colour.

Ostrich Alert!

Today

WOWWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

Post.

Code 2

Game.

Yodelberry stew.

Ice and pencils...

Seriously...

Finally!

Noodles

Another one of those weird posts

Tangrams

The not-so-daily-anymore Touch of Randomness!

sNOW dAY

Ain't it great?

NO!!!

Code of the century

Calling all bloggers, commenters, readers, and the rest.

Our 44th!

Poll!

TAA DAA! This blog shall now explode.

Random Post

Error!

New Year, Trip, and Late Post

Aack!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Aloe Plant?

Okay, Fine

Encyclopho-what?

Lizard conditions

MORE SNOW!!!

Ummm... an... Interview

SNOW!!!!!

Pizza!

Exasperated Sigh