The failings of a Fruitocracy

As many of you know, Encyclophobaticsburg is now a Fruitocracy. For those of you who don't know, I'll sum it up:

Some random guy named Burk Burgundson became President of the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop, and then he submitted 43,001 bankruptcy filings. The government devoted all it's workers (at least four, I think) to working on the task. Obviously, this stopped all government activities, and then Burk Burgundson simply strolled in and took over. So now, we are a Fruitocracy, from the Greek root "Fruito" which means "Entity that sells fruit" or "Fruit production", and "-cracy" meaning rule by. As you can see, we are ruled by an entity that also sells fruit, so we are a Fruitocracy.

Burk Burgundson is now the new president, and he has been doing annoying things such as alternatively generating revenue for the city (the first time this has happened since its creation) and trying to destroy the city with live bulls. Obviously, this makes it difficult to live here, and Encyclophobaticsburg is entering a period of deep recession never before seen in our country.

First of all, being ruled by the Fruit Shop means that the only thing we really export is fruit. Sure, there are a few trinkets here and there, but really we mostly sell fruit. Now, fruit has some advantages, such as being tasty, but it's not worth that much money. After all, money doesn't grow on trees, so fruit obviously can't be worth too much.

Actually, speaking of money growing on trees, it brings up my second point. Burk, noticing that the major resource that he had stockpiled was in fact fruit, decided to adopt it as the national currency. While it might be better than the Encyclo (which had an exchange rate of 1 Encyclo per 0.64 Encyclos, meaning that every exchange would result in lost money), it has it's own disadvantages. For one thing, it grows on trees!

This wouldn't be such a problem, but as the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop is now the government as well, it has free reign over the city. Therefore, they have moved their fruit-growing industry from being restricted to the Plain Plains, and there are fruit trees rampant over the city. Therefore, if you want to buy, say, a new toaster oven, all you have to do is stroll down to the store and pick a few pears on the way. Of course, this leads to incredible inflation, so I believe it costs about 6,598 pears to buy a toaster oven. Also, the stores that sell toaster ovens get nothing but fruit in return, which is not worth much because if they wanted to buy, say, a new toaster oven, they would have to pay 6,598 pears. Not that they would want to, because they are the ones selling the toaster ovens in the first place, but still.

Fruitocracies are very lame.

I have recently discovered that Fruitocracy is a very terrible form of government. The main reason for this is that Burk Burgundson, who is so very kind to tell us absolutely nothing about any subject whatsoever, has declared the city to be a wasteful part of the country. He also refuses to listen to any protests about it being the "only part of the coutnry" [sic] and cites Mt. Slab and Mt. Hunk of Useless Rock, the twin mountains of Encyclophobaticsburg. Interestingly enough, Mt. Hunk of Useless Rock was named after the very first explorer to come to Encyclophobaticsburg, Rick the Intrepid, stubbed his toe on a foothill and declared those very words. Anyway.

So basically this Burk dude is ruining Encyclophobaticsburg and has decided to destroy the city via bulldozers. He was informed by his secretary that the country does not have any bulldozers, at which point he became rather angry and decided to hire a bunch of people to use actual bulls. However, since he picked the staff of the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop to carry out this task, and one of them suddenly pointed out that they would be required to demolish their own Fruit Shop, they instead set the bulls to rampage around the Government Building. That is, what wasthe government building. Currently, it consists of floors 41-46 lying sideways next to a pile of smoking rubble.

As you can see, I am not too pleased with this new Fruitocracy. I made a list of possible actions to take:

1. Nothing at all. PROS: Very easy to do. CONS: Nothing will happen.
2. Kidnap Burk and fly him to Russia, change his name to "Steven Teeth-Muncher" and set him up in a second-hand flyswatter business. PROS: Won't have to deal with him for a while. CONS: The name is a little conspicuous.
3. Throw a stone down a well. PROS: Something might possibly happen. CONS: Something is likely not to happen.

So while I do have a small dilemma, I think I will do all three. In order, of course.