The failings of a Fruitocracy

As many of you know, Encyclophobaticsburg is now a Fruitocracy. For those of you who don't know, I'll sum it up:

Some random guy named Burk Burgundson became President of the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop, and then he submitted 43,001 bankruptcy filings. The government devoted all it's workers (at least four, I think) to working on the task. Obviously, this stopped all government activities, and then Burk Burgundson simply strolled in and took over. So now, we are a Fruitocracy, from the Greek root "Fruito" which means "Entity that sells fruit" or "Fruit production", and "-cracy" meaning rule by. As you can see, we are ruled by an entity that also sells fruit, so we are a Fruitocracy.

Burk Burgundson is now the new president, and he has been doing annoying things such as alternatively generating revenue for the city (the first time this has happened since its creation) and trying to destroy the city with live bulls. Obviously, this makes it difficult to live here, and Encyclophobaticsburg is entering a period of deep recession never before seen in our country.

First of all, being ruled by the Fruit Shop means that the only thing we really export is fruit. Sure, there are a few trinkets here and there, but really we mostly sell fruit. Now, fruit has some advantages, such as being tasty, but it's not worth that much money. After all, money doesn't grow on trees, so fruit obviously can't be worth too much.

Actually, speaking of money growing on trees, it brings up my second point. Burk, noticing that the major resource that he had stockpiled was in fact fruit, decided to adopt it as the national currency. While it might be better than the Encyclo (which had an exchange rate of 1 Encyclo per 0.64 Encyclos, meaning that every exchange would result in lost money), it has it's own disadvantages. For one thing, it grows on trees!

This wouldn't be such a problem, but as the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop is now the government as well, it has free reign over the city. Therefore, they have moved their fruit-growing industry from being restricted to the Plain Plains, and there are fruit trees rampant over the city. Therefore, if you want to buy, say, a new toaster oven, all you have to do is stroll down to the store and pick a few pears on the way. Of course, this leads to incredible inflation, so I believe it costs about 6,598 pears to buy a toaster oven. Also, the stores that sell toaster ovens get nothing but fruit in return, which is not worth much because if they wanted to buy, say, a new toaster oven, they would have to pay 6,598 pears. Not that they would want to, because they are the ones selling the toaster ovens in the first place, but still.

Burk's Secret

Burk Burgundson has been acting very strangely recently, and I do not have any idea why. For some strange reason, he keeps putting money into the Encyclophobaticsburg economy, which is very strange. For one thing, all the past governers have already had enormous amounts of trouble with doing the exact same thing, and each has signed numerous laws proving the impossibility of stimulating the economy of Encyclophobaticsburg. This effectively got them off the hook for failing, as they reasoned that nobody could blame them for doing an impossible task. But more importantly, this breaks all the traditions of Encyclophobaticsburg.

I mean, there is a certain beauty to waking up each morning and looking out on Encyclophobatic Plaza, where the Government Building sits like a small, unused shack, and the Fruit Shop looms over the Plaza with it's diamond-encrusted walls. Now, there is actual profits being made from the country selling fruit, in partnership with the Fruit Shop, of course.

It is all highly suspect, and I will no doubt investigate the matter further. Until such time, I will give you all a suspicious note I found lying around:

Milk

Cheese

Eggs

Pears

Flour

Apples

Pudding Mix

Tomato Seeds

This is obviously some sort of code. The items have almost no relevance to one another, and it is clearly a secret form of correspondence.