Good afternoon, morning, evening, day, night, or whatever it is right now as you read these words (if it is not something I already mentioned, you should perhaps be concerned.) Anyway, you might be wondering about that title. I mean, weird, right? Totally true, my wise and esteemed reader. However, the reason that I put it there (which is the usual reason for titles) is because that is what I will talk about in this section, known as the "body". This will then be followed by a long boring bar of random things such as the responses, comments, date and time posted, who posted it, and probably some random unimportant tidbits like a nation security alert or something. Well, good to get that out of the way, I always say. Gotta have those random bars of text, or life just wouldn't be the same. Whether it would be better or worse is, of course, an entirely different matter.
So, today as I was walking home from all that great secret agent stuff that I do every day, like fighting fang-toothed toothless bandits or other such adventures, I noticed a slight disturbance in the peace of Encyclophobaticsburg's normally peaceful air of peace. Looking around, I noticed the problem seemed to rest in a sideways man named Larry who owned four cats, all black except three who were white. This is rather a lot of information to take in at once, but we highly esteemed secret agents of the Top-Secret Encyclophobaticsburg Investigative Branch (all secret, of course) are able to detect subtle clues in the world around us, because of our extreme training. I detected these things because:
The man was not walking on the ground as normal people in Encyclophobaticsburg usually do, but instead was parallel to the street. Please note that in the previous sentence, when I referred to "normal people in Encyclophobaticsburg", I meant that they were normal relative to the Encyclophobaticsburg standard. It is widely accepted that Encyclophobaticsburgians are not always as normal as... well... other people, and so of course I had to make a note of that. Well, back to my amazing story.
As I said, I knew many things about this guy because of my powers of observation. I knew his name was Larry because he had a name tag that said "Hello, my name is: Frederick" on it. However, lots of people try to be sneaky and write different names on name tags to throw off the enemy, so I at once knew that he was in fact named Larry and not Frederick. I knew about his cats because I saw four animals with four legs, ears, tails, fur, teeth, and eyes that were walking along with him (also parallel to the street). Like I said, all of them were black except three were white. I then decided to ask him why he was disturbing the peace, and marched up to him.
"Excuse me," I said, "But you, who are Larry who is walking parallel to the street and owns four cats, all of which are black except three, which are white, are disturbing the peace by walking in this way. Why are you doing such a thing?"
He said "Well, my name is Frederick and I am just walking my four dogs here, and I am walking the right way on the street, so I don't see what the problem is."
I immediately knew he was lying, because his name was clearly not Frederick. I immediately jumped at him, but suddenly realized as I did so that I had been lying in the street, which was the reason he appeared to be sideways. Since I was already flying through the air, I needed to think of some excuse for my jump, and fast. I changed course at the last second and instead of pushing him to the ground, instead grabbed his wallet and ended up in a rather spectacular gymnastics flip upon landing.
Well, I will leave it here for now. Next time I will tell you more about my adventures, but in the meantime I will leave you with a cliffhanger. I was told by someone that adding a cliffhanger to the end of something makes people more likely to keep reading the next bit, so here: