Thursday, May 5, 2011

The failings of a Fruitocracy

As many of you know, Encyclophobaticsburg is now a Fruitocracy. For those of you who don't know, I'll sum it up:

Some random guy named Burk Burgundson became President of the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop, and then he submitted 43,001 bankruptcy filings. The government devoted all it's workers (at least four, I think) to working on the task. Obviously, this stopped all government activities, and then Burk Burgundson simply strolled in and took over. So now, we are a Fruitocracy, from the Greek root "Fruito" which means "Entity that sells fruit" or "Fruit production", and "-cracy" meaning rule by. As you can see, we are ruled by an entity that also sells fruit, so we are a Fruitocracy.

Burk Burgundson is now the new president, and he has been doing annoying things such as alternatively generating revenue for the city (the first time this has happened since its creation) and trying to destroy the city with live bulls. Obviously, this makes it difficult to live here, and Encyclophobaticsburg is entering a period of deep recession never before seen in our country.

First of all, being ruled by the Fruit Shop means that the only thing we really export is fruit. Sure, there are a few trinkets here and there, but really we mostly sell fruit. Now, fruit has some advantages, such as being tasty, but it's not worth that much money. After all, money doesn't grow on trees, so fruit obviously can't be worth too much.

Actually, speaking of money growing on trees, it brings up my second point. Burk, noticing that the major resource that he had stockpiled was in fact fruit, decided to adopt it as the national currency. While it might be better than the Encyclo (which had an exchange rate of 1 Encyclo per 0.64 Encyclos, meaning that every exchange would result in lost money), it has it's own disadvantages. For one thing, it grows on trees!

This wouldn't be such a problem, but as the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop is now the government as well, it has free reign over the city. Therefore, they have moved their fruit-growing industry from being restricted to the Plain Plains, and there are fruit trees rampant over the city. Therefore, if you want to buy, say, a new toaster oven, all you have to do is stroll down to the store and pick a few pears on the way. Of course, this leads to incredible inflation, so I believe it costs about 6,598 pears to buy a toaster oven. Also, the stores that sell toaster ovens get nothing but fruit in return, which is not worth much because if they wanted to buy, say, a new toaster oven, they would have to pay 6,598 pears. Not that they would want to, because they are the ones selling the toaster ovens in the first place, but still.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The third hint!

Okay, now here is another hint as to the nature of the surprise!

You see, this surprise will have something to do with the name of Encyclophobaticsburg. Go to the informational page about it, and look around for something to do with that. Then maybe you can put the pieces together.

On a totally unrelated note (well it might maybe be related... okay fine its very related.), Burk Burgundson has decided that the climate of Encyclophobaticsburg is too warm to grow good fruit. This might mean that he will move his Fruit Shop, or possibly something else...

Who knows?

Monday, May 2, 2011

Burk's Secret

Burk Burgundson has been acting very strangely recently, and I do not have any idea why. For some strange reason, he keeps putting money into the Encyclophobaticsburg economy, which is very strange. For one thing, all the past governers have already had enormous amounts of trouble with doing the exact same thing, and each has signed numerous laws proving the impossibility of stimulating the economy of Encyclophobaticsburg. This effectively got them off the hook for failing, as they reasoned that nobody could blame them for doing an impossible task. But more importantly, this breaks all the traditions of Encyclophobaticsburg.

I mean, there is a certain beauty to waking up each morning and looking out on Encyclophobatic Plaza, where the Government Building sits like a small, unused shack, and the Fruit Shop looms over the Plaza with it's diamond-encrusted walls. Now, there is actual profits being made from the country selling fruit, in partnership with the Fruit Shop, of course.

It is all highly suspect, and I will no doubt investigate the matter further. Until such time, I will give you all a suspicious note I found lying around:

Pudding Mix
Tomato Seeds

This is obviously some sort of code. The items have almost no relevance to one another, and it is clearly a secret form of correspondence.

More hints!

A great thing is happening in Encyclophobaticsburg! I won't say too much more just yet, but let me tell you, it's gonna be great!

Here's another hint: Architecture Analysis.
That's right, there's gonna be something to do with buildings!
I'll give another hint tomorrow, but in the meantime, here is a poem:

Like a clever flash of lightning,
An excellent bolt of powerful light,
Making cracks atop the sky,
Pouring it's sparks down to the ground.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Fruitocracies are very lame.

I have recently discovered that Fruitocracy is a very terrible form of government. The main reason for this is that Burk Burgundson, who is so very kind to tell us absolutely nothing about any subject whatsoever, has declared the city to be a wasteful part of the country. He also refuses to listen to any protests about it being the "only part of the coutnry" [sic] and cites Mt. Slab and Mt. Hunk of Useless Rock, the twin mountains of Encyclophobaticsburg. Interestingly enough, Mt. Hunk of Useless Rock was named after the very first explorer to come to Encyclophobaticsburg, Rick the Intrepid, stubbed his toe on a foothill and declared those very words. Anyway.

So basically this Burk dude is ruining Encyclophobaticsburg and has decided to destroy the city via bulldozers. He was informed by his secretary that the country does not have any bulldozers, at which point he became rather angry and decided to hire a bunch of people to use actual bulls. However, since he picked the staff of the Encyclophobaticsburg Fruit Shop to carry out this task, and one of them suddenly pointed out that they would be required to demolish their own Fruit Shop, they instead set the bulls to rampage around the Government Building. That is, what wasthe government building. Currently, it consists of floors 41-46 lying sideways next to a pile of smoking rubble.

As you can see, I am not too pleased with this new Fruitocracy. I made a list of possible actions to take:
  1. Nothing at all. PROS: Very easy to do. CONS: Nothing will happen.
  2. Kidnap Burk and fly him to Russia, change his name to "Steven Teeth-Muncher" and set him up in a second-hand flyswatter business. PROS: Won't have to deal with him for a while. CONS: The name is a little conspicuous.
  3. Throw a stone down a well. PROS: Something might possibly happen. CONS: Something is likely not to happen.
So while I do have a small dilemma, I think I will do all three. In order, of course.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

This post has magical powers.

Just so you know, there are several enormous changes happening here in Encyclophobaticsburg! I can't tell you much more, but it's very very exciting!

As a small hint to one of the new developments that we are developing, I have added magical properties to this post! Merely by reading these words, you are now magical! Of course, in this case it's an entirely honorary position, but still!

A small side effect of this magic process is that commenting has been knocked offline (although this also happens to be a reference to one of the changes going on...)

Well, see you later! I will continue dropping hints!

Friday, April 29, 2011

How could this happen?


Recently, a terrible terrible thing happened to Encyclophobaticsburg!
You see, a tiny dog entered the city, and then nothing happened!
We are all very worried.
But anyway, sorry to waste your time, and see you later!
Also, try not to face any enemy forces while you are out.
It hurts.

Like the time when a cat landed on my face with all 21 claws out and ready!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

New page!

After the recent Encyclophobaticsburg Fruitocracy takeover, I decided to create a new page of my blog that tells you a little bit more about Encyclophobaticsburg. Take a look. If you can find it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Remember when...

Remember the days in which I actually posted regularly on this blog? Well, I am here to tell you that those days may once again be ours to remember as the current situation which has been brought to us through the mystical outbursts that time sends spiraling through six reverse clauses and a cactus to meet us and greet us here at the present, which is not the past nor future nor coffee break but in fact right NOW.

As a reward for a) making it through that paragraph battered and scarred by the destruction of at least 2/3 the remaining brain mass you may possess after reading earlier posts of mine, or b) skipping it wisely in an attempt to save yourself, I shall tell you more about the Encyclophobaticsburg fruit shop.

You see, recently the fruit shop filed for bankruptcy. Now I know what you may be thinking if you read my other posts, where you will notice that the fruit shop is richer than all the other corporations in the country put together, including the government and national reserve. However, don't worry, the fruit shop only filed for bankruptcy because they have a new CEO named Burk Burgundson, and he is... well... let's just say he knows what a room with rubber walls looks like.

Anyway, Burk decided to file for bankruptcy out of pure boredom, because he finds that following the laws of both logic and the Encyclophobaticsburg government are very boring. So he clogged up the offices of the government with 43,001 bankruptcy filings, which caused all the employees to be redirected to the Commerce, And Business, And Other Important Things branch (CABAOIT). Shortly afterward, he invaded the country and took over the government.

So now Encyclophobaticsburg is a Fruitocracy, which means Rule by an entity that also sells fruit. Fruito is a greek root meaning "To sell fruit" or "Grow/Create fruit", so curiously enough, the country would have the same name if it were ruled by a plum tree.

Well, that's all I have to say, just your average government takeover and greek roots lesson in one. Thanks for reading. Kinda. Well okay, since I have no idea who is reading this, it is rather hard to personally thank them for reading these words. Whatever.

My most sincere apologies, for I have done a terrible thing.

It has been brought to my attention from at least 7 of my staff members (including my stapler, which for some reason seems to have gained sentience) that my previous post regarding the adventures and life of one World Peace Man is too small for the general public to read. Because this crucial mistake has undoubtedly been tragic. Current estimates show that over $14 million dollars worth of resources were lost in a an accident that could have been averted if this had not happened.

Apparently, an old man was driving down the road and met six cats, each of whom were holding a protesting sign about war. The man was angry and devoured their signs, reducing all but one of the cats to tears, which promptly started an economical collapse in 3 countries.

Sorry about that.